This week it’s been four years since I went to see Tarma, handed over a decent sized check and hauled her home to my friend’s place and started inflicting my love and efforts and dreams upon her. While I was trying to sum up where we’re at for my dressage trainer at our last lesson, I realized I can only describe about 75% of who Tarma is. There remains untapped depths that I’m always adjusting to find, wondering what’s still under her surface.

I know she won’t put a hoof wrong when Kade is riding her, but I can pop on and we’re off to the races sometimes. I know she recently started walking away from me in the pasture again, after reaching a high point of trotting directly to me…and I was sad for a bit until I realized she was just leading me to the gate at the far end of the pasture, telling me to take her for a grazing walk. We’ve gone from me in tears at the thought of cantering in the arena, to brief strides of beautiful, measured collection. Tarma used to shove horses off trail in order to lead (an appalling habit) to following on a loose rein at a respectful distance (most of the time).

I was told by one trainer I tried that I shouldn’t have named her for a warrior. This same mare faced down surly range cattle out in the Ochocos without twitching an ear, and galloped down the beach in the summer, coming back to the walk on a word. There’s never been a trail I’ve pointed her down and she’s declined to head out, seeing what’s around the next bend. She is occasionally convinced I’ve gotten us hopelessly lost though. Kade’s hopped up on her and headed out for a trail ride with a friend and had a blast after a 50 mile ride. She’s never seen a body of water she didn’t want to dive right into, at least until our first beach ride!

Each and every time I’ve had an unscheduled dismount, it’s been a roughly 50/50 combination of my own imbalance and her ignoring something I just asked for, like slowing down so we could Z around some trees. I’ve only come off once during a spook, and I can count on one hand her actual, get outta Dodge spooks. For this horse to be comfortable while we travel, which is at least weekly, I ordered a whole custom trailer. This meant she went from not loading half the time to loading herself, wanting to see where we’re headed as much as I do. She gets bored doing the same trails too often, and she’s annoyed with the concept that the fun single track trails close to horses in the winter around here.

About a year ago I said Tarma wasn’t my “heart horse”. I do believe in the idea, but I’ve ridden and driven enough horses and been a generalist so long I wasn’t sure I’d get there with any one horse. I love Tarma and the ongoing puzzle she is, while at the same time I know what she’ll think in most scenarios. I no longer come home from the barn with tears of frustration, convinced I’m not the right human for her. We’ve climbed mountains together, swam in lakes, cleared trail, zoomed through endurance rides and faced a total meltdown over stepping up on a tire at an ETS event. I can safely ask things of her now I wouldn’t have conceived of when I brought her home, like Kade riding her bareback in a rope halter on the beach. If I could get the kid saddle worn, I’m pretty sure she could carry him through an LD soon.

I’ve fussed endlessly over her feet, something I still don’t have 100% figured out. It took me until this year to afford her own custom saddle, which we both needed. I bemoan the fact all her major scars are on her right side, and am slowly learning body work techniques to help her feel more comfortable in her work. She tolerates my fussing over her and tack and gear better on some days than others. I know I’ve pushed her too far, asked too much when she won’t take a treat from me…which is happening less and less as my timing gets better.

We’re two years into our biggest goal of becoming an AERC Decade Team (at least one endurance ride completion a year for 10 years). I still have lofty goals and desires for our time together; ultralight horse packing into the backcountry, trying our best to complete a 100 mile ride, Pioneer Rides (three straight days of endurance rides back to back), complete the entire Cross State Ride with the John Wayne Riders, a trip to a Canadian endurance ride…and maybe the biggest ride of all someday, Tevis itself. If I can get my act together as an athlete, I have no doubt that Tarma and I can do all that and even more, maybe complete an entire, soft, collected canter circle in the arena!