The hardest post

I thought the post I wrote after Flash died so unexpectedly was the hardest one I would write this year. Fuck that, said 2020.

Horse shenanigans enablers

Today is the hardest, weirdest day I’ve ever had. I left home early this morning, after checking on Cyrus and confirming my husband knew how to care for him for the day. I went up to my friend’s house and we all started driving north with my friend’s amazing Double D trailer, to pick up my new horse near Seattle.

She was so amazingly good for the PPE x-rays!
Obligatory purchase shot

Everyone, meet Talia’s River. Today was supposed to be a fun road trip day with my best friends, coming home with a loaded trailer in contrast to the empty one in October. I so wish I could have the same enthusiasm for bringing her home that I did Flash…but on our way up my husband called and said Cyrus had stopped breathing.

After rushing him again to the vet, the best guess is his heart couldn’t quite take the pain and fallout from his back. He was on some pretty heavy pain meds, so whatever happened, he slipped quietly away without pain. To get a necropsy done Tom would have had to drive him down to OSU alone and I just couldn’t ask that, as much as answer would help. This wasn’t on anyone’s mind as a possibility, and Cyrus had seen four different vets in the past week. Again, everyone says we did all the right things and gave him so many good years….but fuck all they weren’t enough!

Skeptical gas station eyes

So today I have two different thoughts to hold…grief and pain and supporting my husband and son in our loss, Cyrus was the Best Damn Dog.

On the other…I have a new partner to explore the world with, to let my grief out in her wildly beautiful mane and pour all my love into.

But fuck it all, I miss my dog.

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After years of borrowing horses, working to ride and catch riding, I finally have my own horse, a spicy chocolate mare...but also a demanding day job (who doesn't?), a nerdy husband, a soccer loving kid who needs to be parented (by me, duh), and the ultimate trail buddy, a chocolate Labradork!

6 thoughts on “The hardest post

  1. Pardon my language, but shit o dear. I am so sorry. There is no rhyme nor reason to so many things. I am so sorry Cyrus passed away, but I also know the love and happiness he had with your family was immeasurable. Rest in peace, sweet doggo.


  2. I will echo all the other comments and say that I feel terrible for you. The double loss of Flash and then Cyrus. That is a lot of heartache. I also have to think about how fortunate both of them were to be cared for, loved, appreciated by your entire family. That is a beautiful thing and in short supply for many critters. Your new horse may not know it now, but she has a lot to look forward to.


  3. i am so sorry to read this but you loved Cyrus and would not want him to suffer so think of him being pain free. And love your new horse so glad you got her. Enjoy her she is lovely……I am thinking good thoughts for you and your family on the loss of both Flash and Cyrus!


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